I forgot.

I forgot.  That statement is enough to drive me up a wall.  As a mom and elementary school teacher, my own children know this statement doesn’t fly with me.  Nothing lights the fire behind my eyes like ‘I forgot’ (with ‘my mom forgot to put it in my backpack’ as a close second.  Seriously.  It’s not your mom’s job to remember your homework!).  But, guess what?  I forgot.

I forgot that weightloss with a clear aim taken at unhealthy fat is so flipping hard!  This is why I chose to be fat for so many year. Being fat is hard, but it seems a lot more fun than denial quite often.  As was the case last year through this past December.  I was almost flippant as I chugged eggnog and tossed back an entire box of See’s Chocolates in almost one sitting.  I thought, “I’m good at losing weight.  I lost 150 pounds.  I’ve got this.”  In went another cookie followed by a carrot with hummus because I needed to stay healthy after all.🤦‍♀️

I forgot that saying no to myself over and over and over as I try to break sugar addiction and bad habits is really un-fun.  I thought I had it beat after the last Whole 30 and then I started this round.  Easter did me in!  All it took was one bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs and I am gone again.  It’s like I’m starting out at square one again.  Sugar addict, here!  It sucks.  I thought this would be easier.

I forgot how much I relied on crutches before and how it really gave me something to look forward to.  Diet Coke.  Fake meat.  Sugar free candy.  A bit of chocolate.  International delight vanilla creamer in my coffee like a big milkshake.  Sour cream.  I miss it all and am wondering what place it really has in my life anymore.  Those crutches easily turn into slip and slides and down I go into Off-the-Wagonland!

I forgot how much my stomach growls and reminds me to eat.  Eat.  Annnnnd maybe you should eat.

I forgot how slowly I lose weight.  I am not one of those gals who goes into a spiral of massive loss.  I don’t lose 100 pounds in a year.  I lose 40 in a good year.  Losing two pounds a month is a good score for me.  I would be totally unwanted on anyone’s team on The Biggest Loser since my percentage would be ridiculously low every week.  It’s April 12th and I’ve been giving it solid effort since the new year and I’ve only lost 14 pounds.  That’s nothing to sneeze at, but I have goals!  I’m seeing changes in my face and in my clothes, but I want the validation of the number.  I’m so frustrated by this that I’ve decided to stay off the scale for the next little bit so I stay focused on health, not weight.

I forgot how tiring it is to diet.  I’m crashing out by 8:30-9:00 lately and sleeping hard!  All that energy has to come from somewhere, though.

I didn’t forget how empowering it is to take control of my life in this way, though.  I see myself differently when I have solid nutrition and fitness.  I feel great.  I’m pretty happy and balanced with the exception of a few of the above mentioned cases of forgetsies.  🙂