binge

I saw this quote somewhere and laughed! So I made my first meme! LOL! It’s almost shameful how proud I am of that thing. Sheesh.
However, let’s bring it down. Let’s get serious.
(Hush falls)
BE SERIOUS!
***
Coz…
I’m having a tough time.
I never realized how important it was to keep a clean cupboard without junk in it. Especially when I’m at the height of my cycle’s binging ridiculousness. Ugh. The Cheetos puffs are calling me. I’ll admit to having a serving of them today. I’ll also confess that I ate some ice cream. What I did not do, however, was eat cake. I packed that into Rubbermaid tubs, sent some home with my nephew and got rid of the temptation to swipe some icing by covering everything with lids and cling wrap. I also hid the cheese puffs. How ridiculous is that?
I made myself eat a super fiber filled and protein rich lunch of chili and that seemed to take the edge off. I noticed that having a diet of empty carbs and fatty protein (pizza) just made me feel more hungry all weekend. I could clearly see the relationship between diet, energy, hunger and cravings.
***
I spent my day making sure the pizza and cheesy poofs didn’t take permanent residence on my rear. I rode my cycle at a solid fat burning pace for 30 minutes, did the abs cycle, the sexy arms workout and then explored wii fit for the first time ever. Oh my goodness. It was like a St. Patty’s Day miracle, I tell ya’! We all made profiles and committed to our first workouts, so I scored a solid 10 minutes of aerobics. That was FUN! We ran all over downstairs as a family and got nice and sweaty. I’m sad to say I also learned my wii fit age. Suffice it to say I was unimpressed with the result. (48. No further comment.)
***
If asked, I would say I did a fairly good job this weekend. I’d like to say I was exceptional. That I didn’t consume extra calories, that I stayed within my food budgets. But I didn’t. I went over my calories both days this weekend. That said, I only went over by about 200 calories each day. Considering my allowance to lose is 1600 calories, I think 1800 calories isn’t too bad for this kind of weekend at this time of the month. So I’ll give myself a 50% pass. On exercise? I brought my A game and I earned a 100%. I exercised for 30 minutes yesterday and an hour plus today. Good job, mama!
***
Sleep has returned, quite possibly, for the first time in nine and a half years (that is how old my daughter is). When I became pregnant for the first time I lost the ability to sleep through the night. Babies didn’t change that. They just refined my brain’s technique of making me jolt awake over tiny little things.
The past few years have brought the pleasure of anxiety, depression and the resulting panic attacks. So not only could I not sleep, I would lay in bed worrying over the tiniest things (I can’t forget to bring $4.00 to work! Today I made a joke- funny or inappropriate?!), to big giant things (I don’t know if my kids know how much I love them! What happens after we die?!). It has not been fun. A typical night would have me asleep around 10:00, awake around 2:00, possibly asleep around 4:00, and awake again at 6:00 (or later on a weekend). Usually when I wake the first time I’m just up for the duration, though. I read trashy stuff on the Internet, blog and write emails that people always respond to with, “Why are you up at 2:30 in the morning?” I am a mom. That’s why!
This year I hit a bit of balance. My brain seems to be calming down and my life seems to be falling back into place (the short version of why I went crazy- national boards, had a baby then more college, then we built a house OURSELVES from the ground up, had an injured husband, I got a new boss, got another new boss, and, yes, another (final) new boss, challenging work situations, my parents moved out of state, his family dynamics changed dramatically and my cat died.). So this year I decided to take a year off of stress. Off of extra events, clubs and planning. I decided to not be in charge of anything except my class and myself. I dropped out of clubs, social groups and turned down invitations to most anything for about six months. I relaxed. It was the best decision I ever made.
Then, along came January, and I started exercising and taking care of not just the mental side of me, but the physical side. It has all combined to make me mentally peaceful and quiet, more tired, less broody and capable of extended hours of sleep again. Last week I only had three incomplete nights of sleep. This, from a woman who has slept through the night only about twice a year since the kids have come into our lives. Now, suddenly, I fall asleep at 10:00 and magically wake up at 5:30 or 6:00. It’s surprising and I love it!
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And I hate hash tags, but for some reason I feel the need to include one, as a bumper sticker of sorts:
#onemorereasontoexercise