MLK
Today I wanted to be selfish and go for a looooong run. Not a longer five or six mile run which is my somewhat normal long run distance, I wanted an eight or greater. I think I wanted the sense of accomplishment because, Ta-DA! I woke up with depression again today! Wheeeee! Are you sick of reading about depressed Tamara? Because I’m sure sick of being her. Holy cannoli. Today it hit and I was like are you serious? Again?!? I just got outside of this! That’s the stupid thing, though, is that depression just doesn’t care that you recently beat it away. It comes right back for no reason. So I geared up to face it, to fight it, again, because what else is there to do? I ate healthy food, I loved on my people, I shared my emotional state with my people, I walked my dog and my family and then I just let myself go. Or at least tried to. I get to five or six miles and I start to feel selfish. I feel like I have another three miles in me but I start to worry that my family needs me for one thing or another, that I’ll get behind in my tasks for the day… I come up with lots of reasons. Today, somehow I knew that once I got to my house I’d be done, so I did my best to turn up bunches of cul-de-sacs, to explore new roads I’d not turned up before and wove back and forth along the roads as I made my way home. The best part of my run was the healing that took place. I recently got a new-to-me Pitbull album and this was my first time I got to listen to it. I reveled in the opportunity to do something as simple as listen to an album from beginning to end and over again, returning to favorite tracks as I wanted… It was luxurious. It’s that luxurious feeling that turns to guilt that makes me turn home sooner than I should. I think I need to make it a goal that next weekend I take a long run. Not necessarily just for training purposes, but also for the healing that happens when I give myself the therapy of nothing, meditating, listening to music time. I came home a different person than I left it. Running around my neighborhood clears my mind and freshens my heart; the world often looks different after a good run. Today I outran my depression and it didn’t walk back through the door with me. That felt pretty spanking good. 🙂
