Diary

Several months ago, my best friend, Beth, who I’ve known since 8th grade, invited me to run the Color Vibe 5K with her- her first 5K. At first I decided that I absolutely would not- it was Mother’s Day weekend, after all. Then I started thinking about who I AM instead of who I WAS, and realized that I’m exactly the kind of mom who would choose to do a fun and messy 5K with her kids as the focus of my Mother’s Day weekend. So I signed up and the kids were free! As I talked about it over the past few months, reminding them that it was coming their way, Jude would look at me with fear. For him, this did not sound like a treat like it did for Gigi and me. To him it sounded like a lot of work.

I decided to make this a mama-K. We would go at intervals, at his pace, slowing on hills, walking when needed, drinking lots of water, talking about Pokemon and resting if necessary. It went pretty much as expected- Gigi took off like a rocket and ended up finishing in 32 minutes (the race actually turned out to be 3.5, not 3.1 miles, according to both of our GPS).

Jude knocked my socks off. He ran almost the entire way. At the beginning, he told me that he wanted to run the entire distance. I said we would try, but the secret would be going as slow as we needed, so that’s exactly what we did! We jogged, sometimes as slow as we could have walked, but we jogged the entire distance with the exception of two blocks, which were also steep hills. He was amazing! I was so proud of him as he crossed the finish line! I have an amazing boy, an amazing girl and I decided that it was definitely the perfect way to celebrate Mother’s Day!

***
Several months ago, my BFF, also the friend who invited me to this race in the first place, started on her own personal body project: she wants to lose weight so she can live a fuller life. She was just sick of the weight hanging around, same as me, and moved mountains to get on track and get it off! She was cruising along pretty well and she hit a plateau. Then she stayed on the plateau. And stayed and stayed and stayed. Frustrated, to say the least. She was eating the right foods, keeping treats in check, but still couldn’t lose more pounds! It was then that she dedicated herself to a walking plan. She signed up for the Color Vibe 5K, invited her community to come along with her and started training.

I’m telling this story in painstaking detail because I want to make the point that we all start out somewhere. As a teacher, I’m always talking about how we each have a unique set of skills that come in a unique sequence. We develop at different rates, and exercise is no different.

When Beth started out, she was a slow little turtle who couldn’t go very far. Part of it was her little boy and part of it was her fitness level, but a big part of it was her belief in herself. I watched her do it and I recognized it because I did the same thing when I was considering starting the whole exercise thing up, too. Exercise is scary for those of us who haven’t done a lot of it. There’s a lot of opportunity for failure, rejection humiliation, self hatred and shame in the exercise world and, of course, we all stay away from situations with potential for that cocktail of emotions. But she did it. She kept doing it. She walked, tracked it, talked about it online and did everything in her power to succeed at the race. And even though she got overwhelmed, even though her back hurt, even though it was hard, even though she wrote to me on Thursday asking if she should really do it, she trained until she thought she could, and then she did it. She crossed the finish line at a jog, today, and remarked that it wasn’t that big of a deal at all to finish a 5K. I was so proud of her! But even more importantly, she was proud, too, and she gained this whole new view of herself as a powerful, capable woman who can kick butt and bring IT! Even on some unexpected stairs…

Today I returned to booty camp. It felt soooo good to get back into the gym, back into the dance, back into the weights, back into the fold of my friends. Today I actually felt somewhat competent doing the routines. It was so nice to not have to stare at our instructor the entire time for fear of messing up; I remembered some moves. I was actually able to look at myself a little bit, and when I did I was able to see that I am not as horrible at Zumba/Booty camping as I think I am! It was quite gratifying to see that I could totally rock it! And then then second half-hour started. I find that I have about 30-40 minutes in me before I start feeling my body getting sloppy and my brain getting less focused and capable of counting and following along. Fortunately today Camille, our instructor, saved a lot of the arm and ab work for the end, so my sloppy footwork didn’t stop me from getting a solid workout even though I was pretty spent. I’m amazed, every time I go, at how fast I get sweaty and how my heartrate stays consistently up in the fat-burn zone, yet I don’t feel at all like I’m doing more than goofing around with my friends for an hour. It’s totally a workout, but it often doesn’t feel like a workout at all. The next day tells another tale, however… I LOVE it!
It is worth mentioning, too, that I looooved wearing my new NKOTB tank to the gym. I can’t even tell you how much fun it was to wear it. How goofy is that?!

{Me in my sassy-pants pose,* sporting the NKOTB tank top from the concert. My workout was way more fun with it on. Seriously!}
Tomorrow my kids and I are headed to Arlington to do one of those color run things; I bought the bibs for my Mother’s Day gift. My plan is to do another mama interval run with Jude while Gigi sails ahead at full tilt. She always likes to run her hardest at official 5K’s, so I’m curious to see how she does. She’s been proudly running nine minute miles this spring, but now that she’s in track and field this season she’s really speeding up.
I’m also doing the run to support my best friend, Beth. She made a commitment to get active, so how could I not join her as she does her first official race? I’m so proud of her! I can’t wait to post about it tomorrow!

I’m often surprised at how clever families are for Teacher Appreciation Week. One year someone made me a cape for my Cap’n Awesome persona. That was pretty cool. This year is also pretty memorable. One family raided my Instagram and made the beautiful ornament of my family. I was so flattered! And another family gave me my absolutely favorite new book about being clever, about trusting your ideas and realizing the value held in our own amazing brains. I pretty much bawled right in front of them when I opened their offerings. Just amazing. I also got some beautiful flowers, several Shopkins pencil toppers, a new vase, letters, cards, gift cards… I also got a very sweet card from a little girl with a lift the flap labeled: You will like what’s under here!” It was a gift card, but her excitement trumped the gift, she was so sweet. My children and their families were very generous and spoiled me beautifully, but I just had to share that book that is So Important and that favorite picture of my family on a wooden medallion, made by a second grade friend of mine. 🙂

*Yes, Julie and Laurie. You were right. This WAS the best picture, goofy pose and all! Thank you for taking it!!!!

Do you ever have one of those really busy weeks where you decide you’re going to be super productive so you schedule out your entire week, practically down the the half hour, so you can fit everything you want and need to do into the allotted time? I did that on Sunday and STILL didn’t make/find time to work out even once! Aiyiyi! But this happened:

You know how I was all excited about the concert and a little sad that they weren’t doing an after dark event or anything? Well, I arrived at the concert and it turned out that I didn’t need to do anything extra to get closer. My aisle seat in row 8 turned out to be second row tickets next to the stairs that the dancers and performers would enter and exit from sometimes. It was just amazing. As stupid as this seems to be excited about, I could see their pores. That’s how close I was. It was exactly the experience I wanted and worked out and got under 200 pounds for. I was giddy like a little kid, jumping up and down, screaming, smiling manically, having the time of my flipping life! I didn’t even dream that I’d have face time with any one of them, so to have made eye contact with Donnie and hugged on Danny* was pretty awesome. Add to that when Donnie saw Bradley and he mimed twisting a mustache, then gave Bradley the thumbs up, I was actually a little jealous! LOL! Again, it was one of those moments that means nothing and everything, but it made my month, for sure!

In addition to the insane joy that NKOTB added to my life this week, I also had a track meet, lots of testing at school, a music performance, sub plans to prep for and, most importantly, I needed to prepare for my end of the year evaluation. That happened on Wednesday, as well, and I’m pleased to report that I did really well. I’ve come full circle, back to the foundation of who I am as a teacher. I am much more confident and capable now than before, and it’s lovely to hear my voice and know that who I am, how I teach and my philosophy of education is valued and validated in my newer setting.

Tomorrow I am thrilled to be returning to booty camp again. On Saturday I’m running a color vibe 5K. Sunday I hope to hike. Exercise will be the focus, again, outside of my family and work life, and it feels good to be embracing it again after two spotty weeks!

*Truth absolutely told, I rapidly tossed my phone to Bradley so he could get the picture when Danny came off stage to hug on us blockheads. It was taking forever, we were standing there smiling, Danny got irritated and said “What the f**k, man! Be ready!” I was chuckling because he’s notorious for being a little grumpy and how was I supposed to be ready for a photo op that I had no idea would happen?! It turned out that my phone crashed as soon as I grabbed Danny and tossed my phone, so Bradley had to reload it and it took a sec. Some time for that to happen! No harm no foul. 😉

Ouch.
I’m still slowly and painfully dragging my boot-camped booty out of bed, two days after booty camp. In pain. Sore. Oh. My. Goodness. I’m all whiny and asking for excessive hip, leg, back and butt massages. Way more than my quota. I can’t even remember the last time I felt like this!!! Like, it must have been high school, or a big hike right after, or… I don’t even know. That’s how significant my soreness is!
Really, it’s kind of funny because I throw myself into any exercise with 100% effort. I don’t hold back because I don’t trust myself to give maximum effort if I allow for any modifications. Modifications, for me, mean that I just dumb the exercise down until it’s easy, I hardly break a sweat and I think I worked out, later I eat like I worked out but, really, I didn’t work out. I used to count meandering the mall on a window shopping expedition as ‘walking’, so you can understand why I’m so hard on myself and don’t allow for excuses or modifications. So, when our instructor Camille told us to get five pound weights, or smaller if we needed to modify, I went with fives. It’s true that my arms were burning beautifully and exhausted when I put the weights down, so I know I did great work, it just hurts a lot more than I expected! And when she told us to do burpees, or planks, or push ups, or crunches, I didn’t stop. Well, except when she did this amazing slow sit-up thing with her arms over her head that I couldn’t even do. I just laid there and crunched… But still. I did that workout and didn’t even think that much of it in the moment. Sure I was sweaty and tired, but I really am surprised by how I am feeling. I planned to run this weekend and can’t even imagine. I’m wondering if I’ll be able to Zumba on Tuesday! LOL!
Not really. I’ll totally be there.

My exercise level this weekend was limited to a walk and a visit to our local ‘parklet’. Whoever knew such a thing existed?! But for me, it was good. That said, I had planned on running a time or two- ha ha ha ha ha ha! HA! We also got our portraits taken. You know, the ones at St. Ed’s in the fairy grotto with the buttery light? Yep. That happened last night with my friend Hannah Elvrum. It was harder than I thought to not cheese to the camera. Really hard. But what I’ve seen so far is pretty amazing. You think you know what your kids look like from being with them every day until someone else takes their picture. Wow. I’ll share after I’ve had a chance to see more of them. 😉
Oh. And do you remember what’s happening on Wednesday? Do ya? Do ya?! Here’s a hint:

Oh, I think I do. And yes. You’re going to have to tolerate these on every post this week.
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh
(‘The Right Stuff’ should be stuck nicely in your head now.)

I never thought I’d attend such a class. Hip-hop boot camp? Which I call booty camp? And yet… There I am, lifting myself off the ground, kicking my legs higher, higher, slower, slower… Oh my goodness. It was a good workout.
I’ve come to learn a few things about myself: 1. I run and have strong legs therefore I love any exercise that exploits my legs. 2. I stopped doing my floor and weight work at home, thus have not as strong arms and abs as legs and struggle through the abs and arms songs. Guess what I need to work out a lot more? There’s definitely something to be said for participating in a comprehensive workout like the one I had today. I know my weak areas for sure.

Today was a hoot- again. Even through the push-ups, planks, burpees and crunches, we laughed, danced and had the best time! There were six of us today- Julie, Tanya, Christina, Jessica, me, and Janice was there when I was there for the first time today, and she is joining the gym, too! Its like this once in a lifetime opportunity where we just happened to come together and it’s working! We couldn’t have created it if we tried- it just organically happened. It’s been so fun to see this group of women expand and I’m so proud of and grateful to my friends, Julie and Laurie, for pulling us all together in the name of fitness, fun and health! Booty camp for sure! I came home and weighed in at 197, again, so I’m pleased to note that with future work I should get closer and closer to my goal!

Have you done the age robot yet? I was interested to see how it aged me at my different weights and it generally aged me more when I was heavy… But it was pretty darn close on the more recent ones. Many people said the age robot was complimentary… What does that say about me?! It was fairly accurate! LOL!
***
Tomorrow I want to go for a run with Bradley so we continue with our exercise habit and relationship as well. He’s not been feeling very well lately with allergies and thinks he’s ready to hit the road again. I need to keep on training! I realized Mother’s Day is next weekend and I need to be able to run the Color Run 5K that I selected as my Mother’s Day gift, not to mention my future 10K! Just keep moving, Tamara.
As DW says: ‘Rise and grind.’ Keep it going… Speaking of, I’m hyper aware that I get to see my NKOTB in five days and that they are starting their tour tonight. In another city, I’d be watching their show… Squeeee!!!

That’s right! You’re looking at a full-fledged, add-on member of 24 Hour Fitness! I can go at 3:AM to lift weights, now, if I want to. Awake at 2:AM with insomnia? No problem- I can go run on a treadmill at my gym! Or down in my garage. Isn’t it funny that buying a complete home gym still didn’t preclude me from joining a gym? I never, in a million years, thought I’d be even remotely interested in a gym until Zumba. There I was, thinking I was just going to support my friends and fell in luuuurve. So now you know where to find me around 4:30 on Tuesdays and Fridays!
What made me finally decide to join?
1. I felt it when I missed the fun on Tuesday. Like, bad. I knew everyone was there breaking a sweat and I really wanted to be a part of that.
2. I learned about a deal they had this month where I could waive all of the joining fees and simply ‘add on’ to a friend’s membership. Julie let me tag onto her membership and it’s only 30 dollars a month!
3. With the add on, my membership is month by month. I don’t have to commit to more than that, so if I don’t use it all summer I don’t have to pay either!
4. I lost two pounds last week along with everyone else. If I can even come close to that for the next seven weeks, I could totally be in the 180’s the next time I go to California. Uhm… Where do I sign up?
I’m totally excited and am planning on visiting on Tuesdays and Fridays for the next seven weeks. In between, I think I can get two runs in per week with Bradley, maybe three, and training for my 10K should be easy. I’m so stoked. This could be the final countdown!!! LOL!
I do, however, admit to a little bit of fear when it comes time to quit the gym…

***
A friend of mine recently posted a link to my Facebook timeline with this comment:
“I love this message … “Never Surrender” not just for weight lose, but for life. It is my new life motto. You have inspired so many people and thought maybe you’d like to see this.”
I was just floored. It’s amazing to me that people might look at me and feel the way I felt about her when I watched this video. I don’t go out seeking things like this, which is strange since I’m very interested in stories like my own. People who have lost over 100 pounds are common enough that everyone knows someone, but uncommon enough that the bigger losers are noteworthy. We are more rare than I think and her story, like mine, is just amazing as an observer. She started at 345, I started at 340. It is weird though, quite honestly. I don’t quite ‘see’ myself all of the time and the change that has taken place. I kind of just do this thing that, from the outside might look miraculous, or would have to me when I was sitting at 340. From the inside though it just feels like life. Living. Honestly, though? It is pretty amazing, what I’ve done. I need to own that.

I’ve got the itch. The Zumba itch. A lot of it has to do with this fact: every one of us who went to Zumba twice last week lost at least two pounds. Related or unrelated, I don’t care. Facts are facts, though, and those particular facts made me want to scratch my Zumba itch… That and the fact that my comrades returned to the gym today. But there’s still the issue of that pesky gym membership… What’s a modern girl (who is ridiculously cheap) to do who wants her Zumba for free? YouTube! So, today, I zoomed home to Zumba in my living room!

The following are the YouTube videos we found and used today:

We did this one, but found it to be a little confusing. There were a lot of parts where I kind of went freestyle and focused just on keeping my body moving and blood pumping.

This is where we started getting inspired…

And then we got really excited about this one!

A solid workout, here!

Gigi and I liked this one a lot. These people were really fun with their enthusiasm and we started seeking out their videos intentionally.

We thought this one went on and on and were uninspired by the music or moves, but it could be good for a cool down routine.

These people were our favorite! We are totally seeking them out for more. Now we have a fantasy that we will seemlessly learn these routines and will execute them effortlessly… 🙂
(And I think it’s safe to say I won’t be wearing that tank top to work out anywhere except inside my house!)

I came home on Friday pretty inspired by my Zumba workout. I have avoided too much lunging because my knees creak, groan and crack like crazy so bending them excessively has always seemed like a bad idea. On Friday, though, I realized that my thighs are pretty strong after weighing so much then starting running at 260… I guess they can handle a lot these days and I didn’t have any problems with all the lunging during the class. So, on Friday night, I started lunge walking – meaning taking big steps that go low- all over the house. I stood behind the couch watching TV in a wide-lunge position and even found myself making dinner with my legs wide apart, bent at the knees, slowly going up and down to make my thighs burn. There’s nothing like vacant time, just standing in one spot stirring dinner at the stove- a perfect time to do some lunges…

So, I was feeling pretty good. On Saturday I continued the pattern- lunging and dipping everywhere I went. By Saturday afternoon I was feeling pretty clever and smug. My thighs were burning and sore and I hadn’t even done an official workout aside from a two miler at St. Ed’s. I put on Sinead O’Connor’s album, Nothing Compares 2 U, and was singing, lunging and dancing with my dog, feeling great when all of the sudden, in the middle of Emperor’s New Clothes, deep in my booty, something twanged. I wasn’t even dancing or moving when it happened- I was just petting Martha! At first I thought I had a charley horse cramp, but I couldn’t stretch it out or rub it out, it just stayed. And hurt. Then it hurt some more. And all night it hurt- while I ate, sat, slept, rolled over- everything. I feared the worse, that a doctor would have to get involved, but at this point today I’m feeling better and think if I take a few days off of exercise for my hip/butt, I should recover as long as I don’t push it. But then I’m going to be right back to it. I like lunging all over the place. I really like using time that would otherwise be used in a nonproductive kind of way- kind of like getting my workout done when I’m at school- double duty!
So how did I feel about having to sit around all day smash booking and cuddling with my kids while watching the final Hobbit movie and letting my behind heal? Pretty darn good.
🙂

Today was day two of Zumba. I’ll admit to not being terribly enthusiastic this time until I saw that we had gained two more people from work, Kristi and Tanya, and all of the sudden the party was back! Mostly I was just tired from the long,long, loooooonnng week. Little did I know that it only takes a few moments of Zumba before one is sold on it all over again. There was a different instructor this time and she was way more into hip-hop and really fast, quick shifting, booty shaking moves. If I thought I fell behind on Tuesday, today made it certain that I’m not someone who easily picks up dance moves and routines! I tell you what, I’m watching and counting and just getting lost and trying so hard and just getting lost some more! I’m so grateful for my supportive comrades who continue to tell me I’m doing it with grace and dignity… Ha! I know that over time I would eventually pick up the routines… And I kind of want to be the person who knows all the routines… But I don’t know, still. It costs a lot and I hate to buy in and fail to use it or something. I’m such a wimp. Lol. Bradley just told me to stop agonizing and do it already. 😉

The two best parts of Zumba today were the hip-hop song part where our instructor shared a new song and routine that she planned on incorporating into a new class that starts next week. We were in a squat position for much of it, raising a weight and going up at down. The instructor had nice, big thighs, and we all know how much I want to fill in my saggy thigh skin with nice, big, muscular thighs, and I realized that squats are a path to that end. So, you’ll see me squatting a bit more from now on.
The other part I liked was a point during two songs when we got to free step, or whatever it’s called when suddenly during a dance one gets to choose what to do… At one point we literally had to kind of stop to wave and swirl our hands in one another’s faces. Since there were a whole bunch of us newbies there we didn’t know quite when to stop (at least I didn’t) or wave and all of our timing was off and we were whirling around waving… It ended up being a pretty funny moment!

I got home, ate dinner, hopped on the sale and weighed 197! Switching it up definitely helped me out this week. I lost two pounds and am feeling pretty good! I’m always under 200 pounds when I have weighed myself over the past few days and that is definitely a new thing!
We topped off the night by laying on my kids’ school’s gym floor for the duration of Big Hero 6. It was super fun for some, headache inducing for some, a wrestle and fart-fest for some, but definitely something interesting that happened in our life. I couldn’t hear the movie nor see it well, so I chatted and caught up with a friend of mine who is abandoning the coolest state in the union in a few weeks to move to Philly. I’m glad we went but I’m not terribly excited about repeating the experience.

I’ve been surprised by this week. I planned on letting myself take the week off because I predicted a fairly stressful week ahead and didn’t feel the need to add guilt stress of not working out or exhaustion stress for pushing myself too hard. (I had my evaluation on Tuesday and will hear back about it tomorrow…) After Zumba on Tuesday, I ran on the treadmill on Wednesday and tomorrow I’m going back to Zumba with the posse! I’m still sore in my abs from all that thrusting on Tuesday. I had no idea Zumba would do that to me. Anyhow, it was a pretty darn good week! My extra effort showed on the scale, too, with an all-time new low of 198.4! I even hopped on and off a few times to make sure the scale was reading right! Woot woot! That made me feel pretty good!

Bradley texted this picture to me today. It was taken just a little less than four years ago- after I had already started losing weight. Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come and how short of a time ago it was that I lived a very different life. 🙂