Diary

Nine days till I’m going to be 40. How weird is that?! I was thinking about this year and how much I I love my birthday but I hate getting older. I’m surprisingly ok with turning forty in a few days. I think, though, if I had failed to meet my goals or make significant positive changes in my life I wouldn’t be feeling so ducky. Before I started making changes I was feeling slow, full of pain, lethargic, sleepy, depressed, annoyed and really, I wasn’t very nice to myself. Things have changed a lot. It has less to do with weightloss and more to do with the frame of mind that came with it. I’m so happy and confident now. If this is what I feel like at forty then I really don’t think it’s a bad thing. I’m the healthiest I have ever been in my life now. Talk about peaking late in life!

Our whole family has a cold. Each of us is in various stages of the cold- Boyo is pretty much done, Girly is at the tail end, mine is at phase two of the beginning, and Bradley is just coming into it. That said, exercise is really important to us. I get antsy and agitated and irritable if I don’t get out to move every day, not to mention paranoid that I’m going to lose my momentum and stop exercising altogether or something. So yesterday we went to a local park to take a little walk with two playgrounds and many chestnut trees.
Today I said phooey to the cold and asked Bradley to go for a run with me. Last year I remember that running was really helpful when I had a cold. It’s like the excessive air going in and out of my lungs cleanses me out or something. Whatever it is, I like it because I stay healthier. Today we ran a little slower than usual and did just under three miles. It felt pretty good and I was proud of my lungs for doing so well.

I haven’t made short term goals for a while. This week is conference week and it will offer me some extra food intake opportunities and it will compromise my ability to exercise every day. I’m committing to:
Monday: 3 miles
Tuesday: late work night- eat smart + weights
Wednesday: late work night – eat smart + weights
Thursday: 3-4miles
Friday: 3 miles + weights
Saturday: 3 miles
Sunday: 2 miles + weights
It’s a lot but I think I can do it and I might even lose a few pounds this week. I gained two pounds last week (moved up to 222) and I lost that this week. This morning the Wii weighed me in at 220 as did my digital scale. My next pounds lost will find me in the teens! I’m only 30 pounds away from my husband’s weight! I remember when I was about 125 pounds heavier than him! I’m amazed when he picks me up now or I can sit on his lap without worrying about breaking him. 🙂

Last year we went to our local theater to see South Pacific. It was wonderful, of course, but the same thing happened there that happened at every theater- the seat was tight. While the seats in our theater aren’t terribly small, I have spent time in some pretty tight seats, spilling over onto my husband and apologetically leaning away from my stranger seatmate. In some theaters my hips would just be squeezed tight, but in others I would find the arm rests digging into my hips.
But tonight- TONIGHT!

Tonight we returned to the theater to see Annie and I had room enough for me AND my coat to sit alongside me. On top of that, there was no need to lean at all and the arm rest was not an issue as I can rest my hands in my lap. The world is so different when it accommodates me. I don’t feel apologetic about taking up too much space and I trust that I’ll fit in spaces- restaurant booths, airplane chairs, seat belts, roller coasters and, yes, theater seats. 🙂

Yesterday I was feeling all cocky, having done a really neat cooperation demonstration with our whole school. I had that ‘I just wrapped up a big project’ kind of feeling when I realized we had the jog-a-thon today and I had yet to make the playlist! AAAAHhhhaagh! So I hustled home and purchased such hot hits like ‘What Does the Fox Say?!’, ‘I Like to Move It Move It’ and who can run with 100 children and not Lady Gaga?! Not us. I put it together at the last minute but the playlist was a goodie. The kids were happy and it was a great celebration to end the fund raiser with! I’m so proud of our PTSA for rewarding us with a fun run. So cool. I ran 18 laps which was on the lower end of the pack for my class and I was the slowest adult runner there. I didn’t care though. 🙂 People at my school said that six laps was equal to a mile, my Strava said I only ran 1.8, BUT that I ran it in ten minute miles. Bradley kindly reminded me that Strava has a tough time reading small loops, so that may have something to do with it too. It was fun to get my workout done during the workday, though!
My interesting learning today was that I, indeed, notice the difference when running with and without the the inhaler. I forgot it at home, then realized that I forgot it and thought I have always ran without it, I’ll be fine… But I totally felt the difference today and I’ve been coughing ever since my run. Not fun. I did learn something, though.
***
I’ve actually been struggling with diet lately. The birthday cake threw me for a serious loop. When I eat sugar like that it totally throws my body out of whack. Ever since I ate that cake I haven’t lost any weight. Furthermore, I’ve been craving food like nobody’s business! Like, last night, we ate a normal dinner of pizza- Amy’s Organic, whole grain, loaded with extra protein and lots of veggies. Yummy and healthy. Then I had some almonds. And a little slice of birthday cake. That damn, yummy, delicious birthday cake! Why am I such a gifted birthday cake baker and creator of icing?! Oh, the crosses some of us must bear. Anyhow. Then I realized I didn’t run, didn’t work out and didn’t want or plan to, so I needed to stop eating but my body was all like, “You can’t tell me what to do!” in a Fat Albert voice and I wanted to eat and eat and eat until I felt full. I ended the night pretty well, considering.
After the insanity of the fat Albert incident I headed to the hot tub to get away from the kitchen. When I came back through I drank a huge glass of water, then another. My stomach felt uncomfortably full so I headed upstairs. As soon as the water started filtering through me, I wanted to eat more! So I ate some pop chips (100 calories) and drank more water. That seemed to do the trick and it was over. Soooo annoying.
Today I was sick of it and kicked Fat Albert to the curb. Tonight I ate a pita with chik and lots of veggies (avocado, peppers, tomatoes, onions), a side of peas and for dessert a Mounds ice cream bar. Know what? I was done after that. It felt good to be done with those cravings.

After the birthday we had a lot of birthday cake. Like I’ve said before, cake is not my thing. I have only eaten about two slices which I think is pretty awesome! I gained two pounds this weekend, but I’m not counting it. I think it’s just water because I was a pretty good kid, stayed close to my target and exercised with a run on Saturday and Sunday.

I feel like I’m doing a pretty good job of exercising using my new plan. I’ve been hitting the three miles really well and quite consistently. My weekend runs will be about four miles for now, and slowly I’ll raise it up to a five miler on weekends and three on weekdays. That should serve me well.
I started using the inhaler. I take a couple of puffs before I run and MAN! I can breathe for my entire run! It’s awesome! I didn’t think it would make that big of a difference!

It was birthday time last night. We invited six guests over for an epic circus/rainbow/candy party complete with carnival games and hour long scavenger hunt. The scavenger hunt had about two miles of miles factored in, so we even got to move a little!
The food was no problem for me, even though cake, cookie dough pops, lollipops and other treats abounded. I just ate normal food and nibbled a little on some chocolate covered pretzels. The girls all crashed by one in the morning and slept until almost eight! It all went really well!

Before the festivities began, however, I had an interesting doctor’s appointment. I went in to check my stomach inside and outside. I have a weird stomach issue that resulted in an ulcer for me that gives me substantial pain once a week or so. So I had to get a test to see how that is going and hopefully to get another round of medicine to cure it.
I also talked about my belly skin. I asked my doctor to just document that I have excess skin hanging off of me and its causing some rashes and making clothing uncomfortable. I thought I would have to fight for skin augmentation, but she was totally onboard and made notes about it for my file. It was nice to have that service actually be accessible to me so far. I have about 50 pounds to lose before I want to think seriously about the skin decision, but I have to say it seems like a really nice thing to do.
Lastly, I talked with her about exercise induced asthma. She and I both determined that I probably have a mild case of exercise induced asthma and I got an inhaler to use on very hot and/or humid days when I can predict future chest tightening. While I will probably only rarely use it, I’m glad to have it in my arsenal. She was incredibly positive about my weightloss and wished me much luck in my future success. She had no problem with me running and saw no reason to stop because of joint issues. It was tremendously reaffirming to hear her say that!

I wake up around 5:00 and obsessively read stuff online until it’s my actual get up time of about 6:00. Really, though, that is just finally when I feel like its ok to wake up my darling dear husband with snuggle time so I ignore that time and wait until 7:00 after two little kids have joined us and its a big ole cuddle fest until when it’s 7:15 and I’ll have to rush around all in a panic. I just really like my bed!
But this isn’t really going to be a play by play of my whole day! I was just going to write down a few sample days of what I eat and how much I work out.
*
Tuesday:
Breakfast- one Morningstar sausage patty, one slice of Dave’s Killer Bread, smart balance light buttery spread, chai coffee with half and half and real sugar, supplements (magnesium, B, ginkgo, C, COQ10)
Lunch: raspberry choibani Greek yogurt, 3/4 cup crunchy stuff (raw oatmeal, coconut, walnuts, cashews, sesame seeds, chia seed, peanut butter chips), tablespoon of natural peanut butter, 3 strawberries, 1/2 cup pineapple
Dinner: pomegranate choibani greek yogurt, celery with peanut butter and raisins
Dessert: ice cream 🙂
Ran 2.7 miles at 10:56 pace for 30 minutes
This day was after we had gone to the store, found yogurt on sale and we needed to try them all to see which ones we wanted more of. I liked them both. 🙂
*
Wednesday:
Breakfast- one Morningstar sausage patty, one slice of Dave’s Killer Bread, smart balance light buttery spread, chai coffee with half and half and real sugar, supplements (magnesium, B, ginkgo, C, COQ10)- I pretty much eat the exact same thing every day for breakfast and have for years.
Lunch: 1/4 of a Taco Time Taco Salad, the nonfat Taco Time taco, 6 mexi nuggets & diet coke (my boys brought me a rare lunch!)
Dinner: Boca Burger on a whole wheat bun with mayo, ketchup, cheese, lettuce and tomato, 100 calorie pop chips serving
Ran 2.7 miles at 10:45 pace for 30 minutes
*
Every day when I get home around 4:15, I shuck my day clothes, puton work out clothes and I go for a run or use the elliptical. I typically exercise 5-6 days per week. I try to get 30 minutes of cardio in and 20 minutes of weights per day. I have not been good at weights for about two weeks now, though. I need to re-integrate them but where is the time? 🙂

I rarely see things like this that are so true about me. I love this about myself and assume everyone else does this too but will never talk about it. I have found myself, lately, sharing some of my silly, inner dialogue with Bradley. It thrills me to no end when he remembers one of my self made inside jokes with myself and uses it on me. It is with disbelief and absolute pleasure through moments like these when I realize how much I love that man.

I decided to retire this sweater tunic thingy. Last year I bought it at Ross for 3.99. At the time, it seemed like an autumnal addition to my closet as well as a quick Velma outfit were I ever needed to be a part of an ensemble Scooby Doo cast at the last minute. I have the sweater with the giant turtleneck and I can knock the lenses outta some glasses at a moment’s notice! But no longer. Today I was asked, “What is this? What is it?” The ‘this’ in question was my tummy, as this child pressed into it over and over..
So I told this very sweet child, who has some developmental delays, “That’s my tummy.”
He pealed out with giggles and retorted that, “It is a fat tummy!”
Other kids saw what was happening, and one child joined in, “You look like you’re pregnant!”
I returned that, “A gentleman never tells a woman she looks pregnant until he knows for sure that she is pregnant. And I am not pregnant,” followed by me, very nicely, telling the children that I was finished discussing the state of my tummy with them. I walked to my desk, kind of shaken, kind of sad and feeling really weird. No one was trying to be mean, it was just observational by children, but it was hard to hear such an honest assessment of my body.

The irony is this: I pretty much met my goal of losing that five pounds before Thanksgiving. Hello 220! Guess the spa is mine… But that goal was intended to keep my hand out of the candy bowl this Halloween, so maybe I’ll buy a body scrub treatment or something if I continue to lose weight until then.

Gorgeous Girl and I went for a run today. I arrived home to a slumping, exhausted husband who couldn’t take a step out the door. I asked Gigi if she was up for a run and she ran off to get ready! She was a little disappointed that I didn’t run in just my sports bra and running pants. I had to let her know that Mama might never run down the street in just a sports bra and running pants. Ever. We ran 1.8 miles at a 10:45 mile. My times are getting faster and faster lately and I’m feeling really good about that. This includes the time we stopped to tie a shoe, to rescue a runaway dog and the stitch-in-the-side walking times. I feel really proud of that!

We rolled out of bed at 6:15 this morning, bent on hitting the road by 7:00 so we could make our race. It started at 8:00, after a huuuuge line to pick up our race packets yielded a gigantic orange shirt for me. Nice. They ran out of my size. Oh well 🙂 I met up with my students who were excited to run the race with me and we hit the start line, waiting to hear the buzzer. While over there, a group of us from my school conglomerated and took a photo, which was pretty cool. I love those moments where you’re with people you see all the time in one setting but now you’re in a COMPLETELY different setting…

{if you are too visible in this picture and want more fuzz or removal, lemme know!}
The horn blew and we were off! I thought I might be running with my students, or my daughter, or my friend Melissa, or my husband, or Rhiann, but I ended up running with the para educator who works in my classroom. Because I’m Captain Awesome, we call her Super V. I usually call her Lois, but whatever. We ran the entirety together, chatted while we ran and it was really fun. I was glad to have the opportunity to do something non-work with her. As we ran, we saw Rhiann and her daughter, Jude & Bradley, Gigi and her new friend and lots of other people who I teach with, but what was really fun was that it was a ‘there and back’ kind of race! As we ran back we passed people we knew we would cheer and call out to them; there was a distinct sense of community and the race was really fun. For the most part, the route was pretty flat. There were a few minor hills involved that seemed big on the decline, but the ascent went quickly and painlessly and, of course, we didn’t stop. In fact, the last bit was down a hill so we blasted down and killed our last mile! We finished the race with a time of 32:05. As we passed over the finish line a huge group of my people cheered us to the end, and we heaved and huffed and hung out, watching the rest of us travel over the finish line. Gigi ended up running with a little girl from my classroom (who will likely now be coming over for play dates) and they finished before we did in 29 minutes, while Bradley and Jude came in about five minutes after Lois and I. Jude did such a great job- Bradley said he ran about 2/3 of the race!

What followed can only be called runner’s high shopping insanity. They should never have an event like this at the mall because afterwards we had children who needed to go potty and while we were in there we just kind of decided to see what the Disney store had. They had our Halloween costumes, apparently, along with a few necessary Barbie dolls and sweatshirts. The Baby Gap had Gigi’s current dream outfit and I could have spent a lot more on underwear for myself, a new sofa and an American Girl Doll. And lunch. I didn’t. I had my credit card out today and fortunately I managed not to use it as much as my id wanted me too. But my kids are going to be decked out this Halloween!

We came home and, because Bradley had to walk part of the 5k with Jude, we headed out for another walk. This was like a hike, though, as we lost and gained about 500 feet of elevation (each way) in the space of 1.5 miles. Yep, we live on a hill so we did the hills and then, only then, did I feel like I had worked out enough. When we got home, Bradley was all, “Wanna work our arms out with weights?”
I was all, “No. Absolutely not.”
…
It was a good decision. I’m super tired now. The good kind of tired though.
I will love my hot tub an extra bunch tonight.

The title kind of sums this article up. Expect to be wowed by my writing and blown away by my thinking because you’re in for a doozy…
Ha ha!
Quite the opposite.
I went into an autumnal coma, if you will, filled with hot cocoa nights by the fire, good books and lots of down time. Or the opposite of that. Perhaps I was a little more like a squirrel, doggedly and persistently running against the clock, scrambling for more minutes before bedtime to store more nuts, scurrying through leaves, frantic… Yeah… That sounds about right.
This week is one I’m not too sorry to let go. It was long, it was hard and I earned the right to my bed and six pillows every night!

We got school pictures taken on Wednesday and I couldn’t help but line up a comparison of my employee badges. What a difference a few years makes. I often comment that teaching is one of the few jobs that so effectively documents the aging, hair styles, weight gains and losses. In the past I haven’t always been so thrilled with the comparisons. It’s a new era!
***
Tomorrow is the Celebrate Schools 5k. I’m proud to say that my school has rocked it and gone over the necessary number of entrants to earn a grant for my school. That is pretty awesome. 🙂
Notably, I have not worked out in two days so I’m really looking forward to tomorrow!
***
I’ve also been spending time with Donnie Wahlberg on Vine. He made me laugh. What can I say?!
Nothing. I know no shame.