Diary

Today as I was running there were animals everywhere- cats, squirrels, rabbits… Methinks autumn hath arriveth. Or something like that. The animals all were full of hustle bustle of epic proportions, as if winter is next week!
I saw two cats chilling in the road. Right in the middle like no cars ever drive there. I’ll go ahead and say it- they had a real arrogant vibe like they just owned the whole thing. Cats. Sheesh. Sadly, my favorite cat that I regularly see was on the side of the road sitting in the grass, still as stone. He is the sweetest cat- one of those that rolls all over the ground and cocks his head just so with his big ole kitty cat eyes, and you can’t resist but to stop in the middle of your run and pet him. Except this time he just sat. And as I neared, his tail was ramrod straight out and quivering and the cat didn’t budge an inch, except to roll his eyes around the periphery to creepily watch me run by as he sat there going potty. I was at once horrified and pitying of the poor guy, having to make on a public street!
My favorite was the squirrel on my home run, though. Apparently the squirrel is either trying to flatter me or I run a lot faster than I used to. He thought I was chasing him and the silly thing ran like the dickens through the grass, then leapt on a stump to look back, fear evident in his eyes, and yes, I was still coming! He turned back, dashed toward a tree, looked back in terror one more time then scrambled up the tree and out of sight! I’m so amazing that even the mighty squirrel fears me.
I am woman, hear me roar!
🙂 Ha!
(I did run faster today. Slowly, slowly she improves.)

Bradley and I ran 3.4 miles today like it ain’t no thang. On this run I told Bradley that it was only a little over six months ago that I started running. He stared at me like I’m crazy for a second and tried to argue that we started a year ago.
But it was a year ago that we started walking the neighborhood every day. I was on ‘The Slowest Diet in the World’ which entailed just making sure the scale didnt go up. I would, generally, lose 1-10 pounds every 4-6 months. It was working, s-l-o-w-l-y. Then in January I decided to step it up a little. Control my food more. Add some weights or something. But nothing really changed. Then on January 28th I just got SICK of it. I can’t even remember the trigger anymore- but I think it had something to do with an inspiring story from Runs for Cookies Katie and I thought if she can, why can’t I? So I committed. I learned about determination, will power and on March 5th, 2013, I took that first wobbly block by way of jogging during an especially inspiring moment with Katy Perry’s song: Firework. From there it’s been 215 miles, about 40 pounds and 47.5 hours of running my roads. It’s been one of the best times and experiences of my life and I’ve never felt more proud or complete.
***
One of my major goals last spring wasn’t just to ‘diet’, but it was to makeover our family diet. This meant realigning our taste buds with whole grain goodness and vegetable-lisciousness. I’m proud to say that we have, thus far, been successful! Today we were out at ye olde mom and day’s ranch (they are in town from Idaho for a week) celebrating my nephew’s 11th birthday. They had steak, we had veggie tube steak and when I looked down at my plate, it was covered with vegetables! We had green beans, Brussels sprouts and salad to go along with our respective ‘steaks’!
I was reflecting on my way home and realized how much things have changed in our house. Gigi asked for whole grain hot dog buns today. Jude will eat vegetables now (and prefers brussel sprouts). We eat more fruit than pasta now. I eat dried fruit and nuts instead of chocolate when I want a sweet snack. We eat serving sizes. We buy brown rice now. Vegetables and fruit rarely go bad anymore while our bread often goes moldy. We integrate cauliflower and grated zucchini into everything we eat to add fiber and low-cal filler and no one complains! We are eating totally different from a year ago. That is pretty cool!
***
I’ve lost 4 pounds since I’ve gone back to work. 4 pounds!!!

Today we found a coupon in our inbox to OCB so we went to a buffet for breakfast. A buffet. We ate more than our fair share, I’m sure, but I did pretty well this time. Lots of fruit, a salad even. There were also eggs and potatoes of course, but I didn’t go nuts. I was a good kid. That said, it’s 8:00 as I’m writing this and I’m still not hungry. We ate at ten this morning. Talk about sticking to your ribs! HA!
We got home and needed to run. It was an imperative. We headed out and, to my surprise, we kept a better pace than yesterday by 50 seconds. That was pretty rewarding, considering this run was hard and yesterday I felt like I was flying. I’ve come to realize how much I love running with Bradley, now. It was a difficult thing for me in the beginning, but now that I can talk while we run I look forward to our runs like I used to look forward to our walks where we would unpack our days, talk and catch up. It’s been lovely, and the miles fly by when I’m distracted by not only the view, but the excellent conversations. I’m a lucky girl.
Today while we were running, a woman complimented us. She said she sees us out all the time, that we are just so good and consistent. Yesterday, as we were running past a grandpa who was outdoors with his brood he asked me why my husband always runs ahead? I answered that I like to chase him and he creates a nice motivating view in front of me! He laughed and we continued on!
My purpose in telling this story is because we have noticed how antisocial people in our neighborhood are. People avoid eye contact, cross the road, stare ahead, and, for the most part, ignore the presence of another human at all cost! Bradley and I hate it, so, of course, we say hello to every person we run near as we go around. We think it’s our duty to be present in our neighborhood, to foster friendship, safety and community. One way we can do that is to say hello. It would seem that we are making progress if people are reaching out to us now. Pretty cool!

After that I was awesome craftilicious mom. My daughter is having a circus-rainbow-Katy-perry-candy themed birthday party (I know, right?!). We made this frame, a punch box and finished an incomplete art project we had started over the summer.

Lastly, I found these atrocious mom jeans, all painted up with puffy paints by yours truly in 1990. Yep, you’re looking at genuine pants I wore in high school. And they fit. Color me triumphant.

{derpy run face of the day}
Yesterday I sat, looking at my iPad wondering where my active thinking is. What should I write for my blog? I always have a bajillion things I’m anxious to put out into the ether. My mind whirs constantly, processing my feelings about weightloss, information about nutrition, finding out more and reporting about building muscle and then just my long, ranty feelings about things having to do with fitness, fat and losing weight.
But lately my mind is whirring over my new students, my school, the school year and the ever present looming question of what’s going to jump out and surprise me. That can be anything from the social side of working with other grown ups to responding to the government’s take on education. You just never know… And I’m on weightloss and fitness autopilot. My exercise is solid, my diet is ridiculously good. I’m not thinking, I’m just doing. It’s the beginning of the school year and I just have to allow myself to be present there, I suppose, and just be happy the scale is going in the right direction. That I’m still feeling fit and capable. That my weightloss project is not and will not stall because it’s September. I should feel proud that I’m on autopilot, right?
***
Remember that 12 hour fast thing that I’m trying to do every night? It’s working quite well. It is not hard at all to do it and is just the right level of motivation for me to remind myself not to eat when I really don’t need calories.
***
Today I made my personal record on ‘big loop’! I ran it in just a little over 16 minutes (1.4 miles)! Woot!

(I really was running in this shadow picture. 😉 )

We ran today. And today, running was like poetry. I know, I sound like such a tool, extolling on the wonders and marvels of running, but I seriously love it.
We started out thinking we would just do a quick mile and a half, but by the time we got to the turn Bradley looked at me and remarked how much he wanted to do the really big loop that is about 2.5 miles. I was sad because we were turning already, so instead we cruised on and on. We hit one part of the run where I crested a hill with my arms raised over my head and said to Bradley, “I love running! I feel so strong and powerful!” Then I realized I had my headphones on very loud and actually had alerted the neighborhood to the fact that I was running and loving it! Ha ha!

Does anyone else find that the moment they stop running and come inside the house they get even sweatier? Like, after the minor wind resistance of running at 6mph my body just can’t handle itself and starts pumping fluids. Boy howdy! I used to wonder why people could only wear their workout clothes once. I’m wise now.
***
Cross training is confusing for me. Like, I feel like I need to keep running or I’ll lose my running endurance and won’t be able to hold my own at events. But I’ve heard/read that cross training leads to a more well-rounded version of fitness, so I’m trying to do other stuff too. But I don’t want to sacrifice running; it’s the thing I love best… Aside from hiking. I would hike every day if I could.
Anyhow, I’m relieved that on October 5th I’m running the Celebrate our Schools 5K with my family, many of my fellow staff members and, hopefully, a lot of our school families. If we get enough people enrolled under my school name we get a share of the proceeds so I’m stoked. But, aside from the cash bonus for my school, I’m excited to have an event to train for that will guide me a little better. If I’m training for the 5k then I have a good goal for mileage and that’s all I need to keep from getting lazy.

Today we went on a hike at St. Edward’s Park. If you live in the Seattle are and have never been, make a point to do so. It’s like Central Park or something- this vast oasis on the outskirts of the city that edges Lake Washington. There are great trail sand a beautiful playground… Anyhow. We went there. Guinevere and I have enjoyed running on the trails the last few times we’ve gone hiking so we asked Bradley if he minded if we ran ahead. We took off like rockets and had the best conversation about 10th birthday party decorations, her dream wedding, what her sweet 16 party will be like and the fact that her husband better be a vegetarian because she is really not interested in dealing with carcass. She is nine. I’m nuts about her. We got to the lake and, while we waited for the boys to emerge from the forest, we sat on rocks at the water’s edge as she told me how much she enjoys running and talking with me. I told her that I hope this is something we get to do until I’m a very old lady. I really do. It was magic today.

I’m consistent at 228 now(!!!) which feels really good. My clothes are starting to fit different again and I’m feeling the subtle shift. I’ve been a stud (let’s face it) on my exercise. I’ve been hitting the weights like a machine- two days on and one off. My arms are starting to look different already. It’s amazing! I’ve been running and riding the elliptical at really solid, fat-burning paces like a boss. Most importantly, I’m calling on my strategy of whispering ‘determination’ whenever I get tempted lately. It’s working pretty well. It didn’t last night when the frozen cookie dough somehow ended up in my mouth, but otherwise I’ve been simply amazing*! Wahoo! Three cheers for moving forward again!
***
I was looking at the picture of me standing on the branch. I threw that up there like it ain’t no thang, but privately there are two things happening:
One- fat girls don’t stand on branches. I’m standing on a branch there like its no biggie… Because it’s not a big deal anymore. But it is a big deal that it’s not a big deal. Knowwhatimean? Woohoo!
Two- when I see this picture I look normal sized. Like a mom with middle aged set after she’s had a couple of kids, not like a really big girl, which is what I have been. I also realized today that if I saw that lady in the store three years ago I would have noticed her and thought I’d be happy at her size. I always used to say I just wanted to be a 14 or 16. I’m here- a size 14-16 and getting smaller. Isn’t that just amazing? That picture surprised me- pleasantly.
* ;P

I’m tired-out so I’m keeping it short and sweet tonight. 🙂

Today was day one of the 180 or so days I get to teach this year. I’m hopeful about the group of kids I met today. They seem sweet, well intended and kind. Kindness goes a long way with me. Kids can be squirrels, but if they are sweet little wigglers, and not sour ones, it makes the year so much more pleasant. I’m optimistic, and thrilled to report just that!
***
I have been spot on with exercise and pretty solid on diet over the past few days. I’m not an angel, but I’d call it success. I do need to drink more, though; I drank almost nothing today. Tomorrow I’ll get my water and tea all ready so I just have to grab a cup and drink.
Yesterday I didn’t exercise at all (we were busy from 6:00 – 7:00) so today I did 45 minutes on the elliptical and about 15 on my arms. As soon as this posts I’m watching American Horror Story on Netflix (it’s ridiculously good) and working my abs and more arms for my arm’s race.
Oh- just for fun- Bradley was cleaning up our iPhoto library and found my first day of school picture from two years ago- 9/2011. Sadly, I didn’t take a first day picture today, but I did find a recent full body one that looked similar enough. It’s interesting to see the difference in two years!

For our last big summer day we headed up to Little Si for a hike. It was a pretty intense hike (I like intense). The elevation was fine, it was the super rough terrain. I felt like I was marching the whole time, lifting my legs reeeallly high in the air over and over and over to step over logs, huge rocks and gigantic roots. And coming down was as exciting and sweaty as going up! I felt like a mountain goat. When I got into the car at the end of the hike I figured out I burned just shy of 2000 calories, though, so along with the stellar views and quality family time it was a great calorie burner! At first we couldn’t believe that I had burned that much- had to be a glitch, right? But, no. Then we figured out that just walking without the elevation gain would be around 1600 calories (it was a three hour, round trip hike that ended up being a little over 4.5 miles with 1200 in elevation gain). I’m thinking one hike like this every week and I’ll be doing great for weightloss!

The return to work has been exhausting but good. The weird part has been my reaction to people’s comments of, “Wow, Tamara, you look great!” I’ve had enough people tell me that to see a pattern of how I respond. Instead of saying a simple ‘thank you,’ I start telling my colleagues how I look no different and only lost a pound all summer. What’s that bit o’ malarky about? For some reason I push their kind and supportive comments away.
I think two things:
1. I don’t feel deserving of the recognition. I feel like I didn’t lose more/enough weight to deserve it. But how can I argue with what people see or think they see? How can I argue with a summer where I ran my second hundred miles in three months? How can I argue with weight training, conditioning and toning? How can I argue with my skin shrinking back up into the right place? Why have I decided I’m not deserving of the kind words my colleagues generously share?
2. I have a hard time receiving compliments from people who are not strangers but are also not my immediate family. When Bradley says something flattering, I can critically explore why I’m cute, hot, beautiful, whatever to my heart’s content. Why am I cute? What makes me beautiful in this moment? Often the answer is unexpected, something I would never have predicted, often unrelated to my appearance at all, rather a feeling or social exchange we’ve just had. When a complete stranger gives a compliment I just accept it and move on. It’s unsolicited and I just feel good after that I caused someone to have a positive reaction towards me. But someone I know more casually? Why is that awkward for me? Especially when I roll around in those compliments like a dog in mud (meaning: I am a praise junkie).
Well, geez, Tamara, get over yourself! New goal? Receive compliments gracefully, quickly, then move on and savor the compliment later to enjoy like a pig in a Poke. Dog in mud. Bug in a rug. Seal on a rock. Ok. Enough!

***
As summer winds down I seriously get caught up with anxiety* about how the year will go, what my students will be like, how the curriculum will unfold, if I will be as awesome as my awesome sauce expectations are, what the district or state will want to change-a-roo this year. Then once I get going the pieces start to fall into place and I start to settle into the year comfortably. Today that started to happen. I feel kinda ready and, dare I say it? A little excited. Phew! I’m so glad. I haven’t been able to eek more than 3-4 hours of sleep out per night during the past two weeks before I start over-thinking whether or not I’ll get to school exactly on time or some other ridiculous concern. No, I’m not kidding.
The nights have been a big stink-a-roo (because of sleep, not because of a lack of snuggles from the kids and hubs) and the days have been long and boring (today I figured out that we have 17.5 hours of district and administrative meetings and 10 hours of room setup and curriculum planning. No comment necessary).
The good news is that my dieting and exercise have been spot on. I hit my targets for calories and exercise every work day and I’m seeing the results on the scale. I’ve been consistently 230-231 the past few days. I’m also hitting warrior week starting tomorrow (the week in my cycle where I can shed pounds like no other time of the month) so I’m hoping I’ll get to wear those boots and meet my 40 before 40 goal by mid September! Woot!
*
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned here how much depression and anxiety have been a mountain for me over the past few years. I’m better. Oh my, thinking back to last year at this time? Sheesh. I’m so so so much better. I don’t medicate, rather meditate, practice intentional positivity, love openly and deeply, exercise often and eat as well possible. So far it’s working. I slip and fall back into a depression from time to time (I slipped and fell a lot this summer), but each time the fall is shorter and the valley not as hard to climb out of. Life is getting really good again.
***
People at work read my blog. This blog. I said before that I didn’t know if anyone reads it… Well, they do! I know this because people know a lot about my summer before I’ve had a chance to tell them about my summer at all! It’s been fun. So…
Hi there fellow staff members! I’m glad you are reading my blog! It makes me so happy to know that you care enough about me to support me. I’d love to support you too! If you ever need someone to brag to about a health related accomplishment to, I am always happy to be your woo-hoo girl! Come on over to my classroom and holla away! Don’t ever be afraid to brag it up to me. Seriously. I love talking about how awesome we all are.