Diary

In addition to being a workout addict this summer, I’m also dedicating myself to staying busy through crafting.  I don’t even know what it is about a glue gun, paper, glitter, sticks, ribbon and fabric but when I’m with ‘them’ I think my mind just slows down, I focus in one place and just breathe.  I have figured out that making stuff makes me calm, so I do.  I just make.  My daughter runs a booklovers Instagram feed with two of her best friends, and it suddenly occurred to me that I can make to my heart’s content as therapy but what should I do with all of the products?  She and I put our heads together and decided to open up an etsy shop to sell the stuff we are making.  We realized that almost anything can be marketed with a literature connection, so I’m a busy bee over here making bracelets, mobiles, wall hangings and more.  It’s been really fun to dream things up from the pages of our favorite books!  We are pretty excited.   After I open the shop I will be sure to post a link.  

The dark side of my busy hands?  Crafting necessitates visits to the craft stores where I find ALL of the things I need to complete today’s craft, something to work on for tomorrow, something to fix a broken thing and there’s always something to set aside for the future.  And paper.  Man.  Can I buy paper.  Sheesh!  Today I bought some stuff to decorate with, some binding for some pennant flags and a whole new Project Life starter kit because I’m always looking for new ways to document my life.  Man.  Another hundred bucks like WHOOSH!  LOL!  In my defense, everything was on clearance or sale EXCEPT the bias tape.   Of course.  The other stuff are all things that I’ve been keeping an eye out for and showed up as a good deal today.

I conquered my fear of pilates today with my first ever pilates class.  It was one of those classes where you feel like you’re not really doing anything and then all of a sudden you realize you’re dripping sweat and your heart rate is chilling in fat burning zone!  LOL!  I met up with a few more of my girlfriends, Janice, Jessica and Julie, and I have to say that having friends there makes it so much better.  When you suck at folding yourself into a flat origami crane, it’s so helpful to get to turn to your friend next to you and just laugh!

*I noticed the craft store needed a little reorganization…  

long run tomorrow…  whatever that means!

Today was hot from the second we woke up.  It was one of those days where you rolled over and were already sweaty, before you even got to kick off your covers.  It lacked that freshness that morning is supposed to offer up, so instead of bounding out of bed and embracing the bare moments of coolness, we laid in, picked up our iPads and decided to go for a hike in the shade a bit later instead of a blistery hot run on the pavement at all.  Now I remember why the long run is so difficult to achieve in the summer.

Anyhow, we left and realized our Discover Pass had expired so we parked in the neighborhood across the street from the park and walked in, instead.  I’m always game to tack an extra half mile or two onto a a walk or hike, so it was cool with me!  LOL!  I had a really nice time running and walking alongside my girl.  I’ve come to really value the conversations and doors that open up when we sweat together.  

Anyhow, this is how we got busy today.  I’m considering my first ever pilates class tomorrow.  Am I crazy?!?!?!  

After Monday’s Body Pump class, I wasn’t too sure how ready I was going to be for a swift return.  I spent the last couple of days stretching out my armpits and arms in every doorway I came across.  Yesterday on my run my upper body felt sore with every step!  My legs and feet were just fine and those are the parts that got worked!  My shoulders, however, were another story!  Ha!  But today came, nonetheless, and I found myself in Lynnwood at the gym, again, lined up behind a weight set ready to go.  I swore to myself, though, that if the instructor started going after the triceps again that I was out of there.  Sure enough, 2/3 of the way through the class she started talking about tank top season and the triceps!  Of course I just dove in and did the workout, I didn’t walk out.  😉 Again, the class was fabulous.  Last time I did it, I didn’t go beyond the five pounders, but today I pushed just a little because the small ones felt too small.  It was definitely heartening to feel a little growth so soon after restarting the classes.

It’s super satisfying to step back into daily working out.  I’m pleasantly surprised at what an esteem boost it is.  ❤️

A little snap of last night.  We laid low, stayed close to home and had a super chill, super fun night together.  

My default finally seems to trend toward health.  It feels like I’ve retrained myself because I was not comfortable with what was happening to me over the spring.  After a lifetime of seeking a  healthier balance, it feels good to know that my natural leaning is away from choices that will compromise me long term.  Today I went on my second run of the summer season- It’s silly how I second-guess myself so much. I’ve been quietly doubting my ability to return to running after my year off due to my injury coupled with the huge work caseload. I honestly thought that were it not for the two 1/2 marathons looming in late August (The Iron Horse Half Marathon) and September (Beat the Blerch) that I may not have returned to being a runner at all. Now I clearly see that it’s all a head game for me and how my power of self can be compromised just by my own self doubt. It feels incredible to be getting my mojo back! It was also pretty awesome to visit the best smelling rose in the world today, too.  I just love that thing!  I will run an extra half mile just for the opportunity to smell it, and good thing I did today.  This bloom is about to drop and it will be a few weeks before she sends some new ones up.

Last night marked our annual end of the year party for the big kid.  She had two friends over and they burned homework, went book shopping, ate junk, played guitars, laughed, sang and slept in a tent.  It was such a classic summer night.  Bradley and Jude had a sleepover in the boy’s room which left me alone with Fred in my big bed.  I slept like a stone and woke up with a clear head and some summer goals for myself:

1. Relax.  Take the time to pull yourself together.  Meditate.  Build positive habit energy that is not rooted in stress or anxiety.  Build resilience.
2. Run often.  Three regular runs a week with one long run is best, but three runs total is also ok.  Add one mile per week to the long run and get as close to the half marathon distance as possible by the end of August.  This week we will run four to five miles as our long run and will increase from there.  When we reach the milestones of six, eight, ten and twelve, we get medals!
3. Attend body pump classes 2-3 times a week.  Remember: It’s ok to lift and run on the same day.  Zumba is fun, but don’t focus on taking Zumba classes.  Spin and weights.
4. Pay attention to diet, but mostly just to avoid gaining weight.  Focus mostly on healthy eating and building good dietary habits.  Lose weight in the fall.
5. Be crafty.  It’s another kind of therapy.  Work on school, but let the craftiness also be for my soul, not just my job.

June totally happened for-ev-er!  Holy cow- that was the longest end of year e-vah!  My last contract day didn’t happen until June 27th.  I joked about how funny it was that I could actually do Independence Day themed art and it was relevant!  I’ve never had that happen before- honestly that part was kind of novel and fun.  What wasn’t fun was that the kids were SO done by the second to last week and it was just keeping the lid on the boiling pot.  We made it through to the other side, though, and as of Wednesday I was a classroom free woman!  I replaced it, however, with a house to clean and redecorate for summer, so I rolled into that all hardcore on Wednesday and finally, by Thursday, it was summer.  Except I was depressed, of course, so I selfishly went for my first run of the summer, shopped at Goodwill, made crafts, watched Real Housewives and snuggled up on my man until I felt like myself again.  It’s so good to be back!

On Friday I rejoined the gym.  My friend Patty invited me to a Zumba class and after…  I’m now a member again. I don’t even know how it happened so fast! I jumped after the term ‘limited time’ was bandied around which had the just right effect of making me panic and fear losing it so I did it! Lol! I didn’t get the absolute best deal, but I did get the deal that had no sign up fee AND allows me to go to all of the gyms, and that’s what I really want. Now, to figure out my body pump class schedule.  I’m really excited to get some good form and solid muscle build.  I feel like if I get some solid training and confidence under my belt then I can take training into my own hands.  I have a friend group who has pointed out to me where the fit people are and where the chubby people are- toned, muscled people are generally on the weight machines.  Focusing entirely on cardio without building muscle is only doing part of what I need to do for my health. When I looked at the class schedule, I saw that 24 Hour Fitness has boosted their class schedule, and between my two gyms I should be able to hit things pretty well this summer.  Between the gym classes and half marathon training, I should be in good shape again for my 44th birthday!

I’m super chubby and heavy right now.  I have a pretty solid sugar addiction and a weigh in hovering around 210-212.  While I’m not thrilled with the gain, I’m focusing on the exercise side of things for now.  I know how summer goes and I don’t usually do very well losing fat during the summer.  Come September, I get back on the eating schedule provided by the public school system, so I’ll hit that side then.  Maybe September and October can be focused on chipping away at my twenty pound gain!

My soul is filled when I’m in the trees.  I was explaining to my students the other day how to look at things with poet’s eyes; to look for small moments with big feelings and explore that and the thing I came back to over and over is how my heart swells like a sponge in a rainstorm when I breathe hard and sweat in the forest.  Hiking is my my prayer at my church with cathedral trees and wildlife parishioners.  Sometimes I’m moved to tears, but almost always I feel healed and whole afterwards.  When we are cruising along on longer hikes I allow myself to deeply daydream, meditate and breathe independently as I make my way up the mountainside, with my people but totally in my own world.  It sounds a little cheesy, but things that are pure like that usually are often uncomfortably so.  This weekend I got to go with my Gigi.  We held hands, chatted, giggled, were quiet, thoughtful and reigned in the dog while we hustled down to the water then back up again.  I remarked that we know one another as runners now and know when to walk and when to run together; our secret language.  I loved her pretty deep, too.  I should always go, even when it rains in yucky, muddy, cold, dark February.  I need to remember what it does for me.  I loved today.❤️

I just wanted to drop a quick post to say all is well, I’m alive.  LOL!

I don’t think I need to go into why I’m so quiet- it’s been my running theme since September began.  What a year.  What have I been up to?

• I made a solid attempt of DietBet and made some progress.  I didn’t win, but I didn’t lose, either.  I lost four pounds, gained three back and am now back to my current low of 207.  I’m chugging away at it…  I’ll do another in the nearish future.
• I reintegrated more physical activity during May.  I’m still not back to running yet, but I took a couple of hikes last weekend that showed me just how quickly I can go from an inshape superstudmuffin to a person who struggled at making it up the hills and actually gets so sore that climbing stairs after was a challenge.  It felt SO GOOD though.  Talk about being a depression wiper-awayer.
• I wrapped up a bajillion things at school.
• Had the stomach flu.  It helped me lose a few pounds.  Shhhhh.
• Got a head start on my report cards. This is a Big Deal for me.
• Hung out with my parents and celebrated our early 18th anniversary with a bonafide date night.  (Holy cow- we can vote now!)
• Watched an entire season of Fixer Upper and figured out how I would redesign and redecorate our house for maximum flow.  😉
• Again: got so much done at work.  End of the year todo’s are getting checked off like crazy.  Do you ever look back at your days and are alarmed at what your were able to accomplish?  And that things are going pretty smooth?  And you’re killing it?  I’m worn out but feeling accomplished, lately, and that is kind of nice.  I’m doing really important work with my kids right now and I feel pretty proud.
• Saw my doctor about an itchy mole that turned out to be nothing but also scored a date with a dietician to work over my realistic nutrition needs to lose a few pounds again.  I have to say that a little extra belly doesn’t bother me much but I liked the way my clothes fit so much better about 10-15 pounds ago.  I like the way I looked at 190 and would like to get back there.  I feel frustrated that I can’t get over this barrier but know that my enthusiasm, or lack thereof, is my real problem.  Perhaps an outside influence will help.  I’m also quite curious about my muscle to fate to bone to whatever ratio, or however they do that.  I’d like to know what I REALLY need to do to get results.  Maybe this will help start me on that path.
• Until the flu struck, I was planning to take a run this weekend.  Instead I’ll hike tomorrow and see about runnng this week sometime.  I’m really excited about getting back into shape and starting running in earnest again this summer!!  Two half marathons at the end of summer are in my sights!

Today started out unlike most days: I woke up and wanted to run!  And not just ‘wanted to want to’ or ‘want to but can’t’, I wanted to run and could!  No barriers!  So by 8:00 this morning, Bradley and I hit the streets for an easy walk-run that turned into a just run.  You see, it’s been a while.  I let myself completely let go of my fitness in light of this wild ride called teaching that I’m on this year!  It been well-documented that I’m pretty drained, so to feel this good and this whole is such a blessing!  I fault the sunshine, largely.  Boy, I have missed her!  It’s been so nice to feel the healing rays, to squint into the blue sky, to earn an accidental sunburn on my milky skin after having it covered for six months.  It’s been one heck of a sunless winter, and saying goodbye to that old man puts me back in the mood to go outside and run with my hubs and pupper through some pink petals!

A really nice byproduct of taking time off has been a pretty close to perfect heal on my body.  My hips and knees have been hurting from the start of my running career.  When I started running I was a slow, heavy 250 and hadn’t done much of anything in a long time.  I have to imagine I went through a level of joint shock and bruising as they strengthened up and acclimated to being more active.  Taking the past six months so easy, and especially the last two months, has meant that I’m fully healed.  I feel amazing!  Today on my run, nothing hurt.  After wards, now, I’m not sore at all in my joints.  I feel so happy and great!

Lots of good things to think about:

• Dietbet is going so well!  It’s not too late to join!  I’m about halfway to my goal already, but now is when the real work starts.  It’s funny how much it is keeping me on the straight and narrow at just the right time.
• I got the mural going that is a legacy panel from my class to our school.  It is turning out beautifully!
• It was teacher appreciation week and one of my kiddos kept making sure I knew he was thinking of me every day.  The kicker was when he made the chocolate bar superheroes in the likeness of Bradley and me, but also my intern and her husband!  I felt the love and it was so nice! ❤️
• My intern is doing an amazing job.  It’s wonderful when you see someone you believe in display even more incredible virtues and skills than you even expected.  Just wow.
• There are 37 more days of school.
• I’m off of diet soda!  I read an article that directly linked it to strokes and dementia…  that was all I needed to hear so Bradley and I dropped it like a hot potato!  I have a crutch I use infrequently of carbonated water with a splash of real sugar Pepsi in it.  It doesn’t taste good enough to build a habit, doesn’t have enough calories to kids my diet but it fulfills the craving for a Diet Coke when I want one!
• The garden got planted last weekend and with this crazy week of storm, thunder, lightening, pouring rain and mixed in with the beautiful, sunny, warm and lovely summery weather and I already have things bursting from the soil!  Love it!
• My husband.  Sheesh.  I know I’m lucky, but sometimes…  boof- right in the heart.