Goals

Mmmkay. So, I’m not on the wagon very much right now.
Right now I’m exercising plenty. I’m serious! I was on the elliptical for an hour today, still doing the weights (yeah, Bowflex!) and I’m running pretty much every day.
But my food?
Laws have mercy!
It’s not that I’m doing that bad even, if I’m perfectly honest. I’m hitting right at my calories, then BOOM! Ice cream? Sure, I could go for some ice cream! S’more? Why, yes, I’d love one! I have this policy of letting myself have the treats in moderation, but lately I want treats ALL THE TIME and they are tipping me over the edge from losing to maintenance mode. PMS definitely has something to do with it, but so does my determination.
I’ve not been behaving like a person who is determined to lose weight. Ive been behaving like a seasoned dieter who is tired of the diet. That is not going to work. I’ve been buying into the myth that I’m losing weight and getting healthy, but really I’m just stalling. It takes two activities for me to lose weight- restricted calories and exercise with more exercise after I’m done exercising. I’ve been going like crazy with the exercise and letting the diet go because I think I can just run/lift/walk/ride it off. Obviously I’m working it off, but only enough to maintain. I need to be a good kid again. I need to start hitting the 1500 mark consistently again.
I’m so looking forward to returning to work next week for one reason- scheduled food times. Snacking is a non-issue for me at school. In fact, sometimes I even forget to eat while I’m there. Here at home I want to eat every time I’m near the kitchen and since our kitchen is central to our open floor plan, I’m always wanting a snack. Sheesh! I just want my boots! Go away seven pounds!!!!!!
Here is my adorable son because I have no pictures of anything relevant to put up here today. Enjoy!

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I think of diet as what I eat. Not ‘a diet.’ I’m not on a diet, but my diet is full of food. You get it. I just wanted to make that clear.

A few weeks ago I let it drop that for my birthday I’d like to turn our garage into a gym with a treadmill. Maybe some other machine too, but after all this heat this summer my nice, cool garage on at 85 degree run day sounded really nice. I was planning ahead.
My darling husband quickly scrapped his dream of parking our car in the garage and started hunting on Craigslist for solid exercise machines. We needed to take into account that these weren’t going to be glorified clothing storage units, that we are big, tall people (I’m a hair under 5’10” and he’s 6’2″) with long legs and we were planning to RUN on the treadmill. Believe it or not, most treadmills are really just made for walking.

Well, our garage is nowhere near ready, but people are moving and clearing out their gear! We picked this elliptical machine up last week and, I’m telling you, it is a workout! Both Bradley and I have been spending about thirty minutes per day on it in addition to running. I didn’t think about how buying a new machine would extend my workout in a diverse and different kind of way. It is in our living room, for now, and I like it there. It looks at me and I think nothing of hopping on for ten minutes every now and then to burn a few calories.
After buying this machine we got to try a few models out at the hotel this weekend. I’m pleased to say that I love our machine. It has a bigger glide for taller people; the range of motion on the others was small and cramped feeling.
*this picture is hilarious to me. I hopped on the elliptical today, determined to get a picture of myself on it, but I had just returned from a run and the sweat was running into my eyes so bad that I couldn’t open them! Ha!

Yesterday we went and picked up this Bowflex from some people who just sold their house and needed it out NOW! It’s a resistance machine and it definitely seems different from the free weights so we are keeping those around. This thing is huge and, as our garage is not ready, it is in my kids’ rumpus room taking over!
You know how you don’t really realize how weak you are until you strain something? Ahem. That is so me on this thing. I’ve been a super good kid doing arms, legs, butt and gut, but this thing makes my neck and shoulders aware that they’re super weak. I find it very interesting that all of those bothersome, persistent, crampy, achy spots on my body are actually just places that are extraordinarily weak*. I’m presently on the lowest settings on the Bowflex and it is definitely a workout.
$$$Price tag for all of this craziness? $125 for the Bowflex and $150 for the elliptical all bought on Craigslist. A few years back we paid about 100 for the exercise bike on craigslist as well. We pretty much have a gym now! Ha! As long as we are using it, I’m thrilled as anything to own it. Our kids love it too, and, most importantly, we are keeping moving!
Oh, and regarding the treadmill? We are still looking for one that will support us that is in good working order. I think we will have to pay out a little more for this machine. I also want one of those stair climbers to build my thighs into chicken drumsticks, I suppose…
*I’d like to note that after carrying up to 340 pounds around and becoming a runner my legs are built up like crazy. The highest setting for legs and calves is not super easy, but it’s not hard either!

Running heart rate
Today I went on my big ole lazy run. We just ran a nice and easy 2.5. I took it slow, as usual, and paid extra special attention to my body, the overheating and all that.* At one point I realized that, while I was sweating up a storm, I wasn’t breathing all that hard. I stopped and took my heart rate only to discover I was at 110. Another time I was at 99. My heart rate was ridiculously slow or my counting was way off.
It put some things in perspective though- my fitness is better than I give myself credit for. I think I have to run sloooow, and sometimes I do. But more importantly is for me to pay attention to my body and run fast when it feels right and slow down when it feels right. Clearly I could/should have pushed myself harder today! When I got home and cooled off I spent some time online looking at data.
First I researched my BMR- my base metabolic rate. I found out I’m on the upper end of the 1700’s. BMR stands for base metabolic rate and is, essentially, the number of calories you would need to sustain your living form if you were completely resting. Like in a coma or sleeping. Then I added my activity level and discovered I need about 2500 calories to sustain myself WITH activity, including exercise. So, to lose the weight I need to be eating less than that. Done.
But I also want to build muscle. I’ve written about my desire to pump up a little as an effort to fill in my baggy skin. Some muscular thighs could be nice, some strong biceps… Don’t worry. I’m a realist! Anyhow, I spent time today researching how to be a vegetarian muscle builder. Thing one they said was to eat complex carbs and protein with two fists of vegetables in every meal. So I suppose that’s a new goal. Tofu, nut butters, eggs and lots of quinoa and brown rice were suggested. The one thing all the sites said was that muscle definition is built in the kitchen, not the gym. I need to take my eating way more seriously. I’m going to try to plan meals in advance and do as much prep as possible to avoid looking for something to eat- the something will already be prepped and ready!
The other thing they said online was to do cardio, yes, for 30 minutes or so 3-4 times a week but focus a lot on the muscle building for 30-45 minutes per day 4 or more times a week. So the cardio is just to get warm and rolling, the anaerobic should be the focus, according to them.
I’m not saying I’m going to follow this to the T in any way, it just serves to show that I need to definitely do more weights and focus less on so much cardio. Today I ran for 45 minutes and rode my stationary cycle for 40. Not bad, but I did no weights…
To that end, Ive made a new goal to do 10 crunches per day. I know, measly, right? The idea is to make sure I have a minimum goal and if I’m totally being a lazy bum I can just do the 10. But my hope is that I will decide as long as I’m down there I might as well make it worth my while. 😉
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To blog or not to blog…
I’m feeling a little lost in this space right now. Perhaps my own motivation and determination are running low, but sometimes I sit here late at night wondering why I’m putting all this out here. Why I’m baring my everything to everyone who cares to look. I guess I’m feeling vulnerable and am wondering if this is smart or worthwhile.
Yes, I know the answer to that. I personally get a lot out of processing. Maybe I’m just not being as honest as I want to be.
(Okay, I ate four of those ridiculously yummy m+m cookies today and that is not a unique experience for me during the summer. I am often heard saying, “I just don’t lose weight well in the summer.” I worry that I’m buying into that myth, though, and really I just need to get my ass in gear and lose the final seven flipping pounds for my forty before forty. It’s hard to own those things aloud to the general public. I’m trying to be Wonder Woman – well, Tamara Shazam, really- and feel like I’m falling short here.)
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*We are headed to the ocean in a few days and I realized I have to run with my compression tanks on or suffer the consequence of a rashy fat crease in a bikini. I don’t need more things to feel self conscious about so I decided to wear the tank during my runs for the next couple of days.

We’re heading out to go camping fairly soon and as I announced this to my kids I also asked if we should make anything special for the trip. My son asked to make cookies… With M+M’s!
I pondered this a bit. My purpose in asking if there were any treats or special things on the trip was to kind of be in control. I know there’s going to be junk- it’s camping. But I’m thinking it doesn’t have to be overly junky. So a batch of cookies makes perfect sense as the thing to bring to treat ourselves with. My smartie pants daughter killed two birds with one stone by saying we can use them for s’mores too.
Anyhow, justifying m+m’s was hard for me so I made a bargain with my son: we could make cookies with m+m’s in them if we walked to the store to buy them. Kind of to strike the balance between the caloric cost and the exercise. He agreed, which shocked me, and within 30 minutes we were headed out the door, hand in hand.

It was so sweet, to chat with my boy as he collected flowers, leaves, feathers and other treasures. I taught him about helicopters, the seeds from maple trees that twirl around as gravity pulls them to the ground and I got to see him being his Daddy, saying hello to any person he happened by. At Starbucks he engaged the barista in a lengthy conversation about his favorite Adventuretime characters (favorite hero: Jake, favorite baddie: Ice King) and after using the nastiest bathroom ever I heard him cackle and chortle over the horrible jokes that just kept rolling off his tongue. Lovely.
Three miles later, the cookies got made, tasted and are going in the freezer in the morning. Cookies are a weakness of mine and I cannot have them sitting out. I will eat them all. Especially these ones; they’re so yummy!
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I was talking with Bradley about how I really need to kick things into gear. There’s no good reason why I am stagnating except my poor choices. I keep hitting just a little over my caloric intake and I’m in maintenance mode. Coupled with me not making the best choices (lots of carbs lately, not so many fruits or veggies) means that I am just not losing no matter how much I exercise.
My goal as of this very moment is to make better choices for my body nutritionally. More fiber, more fruit, more veggies. I think I need to go to the store to load up. I did discover prunes recently, i think they are so good (I’m surprised too)! Presently in our kitchen we are at one apple, one bag of carrots and one bunch of celery. Lettuce in the garden, onions in the pantry. I want a variety of fruits, some broccoli, mushrooms and peppers! Then we can get fancy.