cramp

I am not a woman who has a lot of experience with my abs.  In fact, sit ups and crunches have never been a part of my fitness diet and over the past 39ish years, my abs have been allowed to do the bare minimum.  And they liked it that way.  They show up to work and hang in their hammock, benefiting from the extra Girlscout Cookies  that insulated them.  They were pretty happy.

I (meaning Bradley, of course) found this app simply called ‘Workouts.’  There is a video to go along with each workout, and each workout targets a specific zone.  I’m just on the abs with that app for now, but also do the ‘Sexy Arms’ workout from the app ‘Arms Trainer.’  I like the way the guy talks all clipped and weird in it.  Anyhow, I have been pretty loosey goosey on the abs workout up until now.  Until this week… I buckled down.

The abs are revolting (and by revolting I don’t mean disgusting.  The OTHER revolting).

This morning I was laying in bed, just minding my own business, hangin’ with the hubs when all of the sudden my stomach started hurting.  Like, YOUCH!  BIG TIME!  I curled into the fetal position and looked under the covers.  I saw nothing, of course, but I imagined my abs all contorted like squirming DNA or amoebas or something like that  and I think I may have imagined (or seen?!)  some ‘on strike’ signs or at least they were organizing…  (Can you imagine?? Say Yes to Flab for Abs!)  My entire core just seized up like a giant Charlie Horse cramp.  I laid like that for a few minutes before I was able to finally make my way into the shower, requested a handy dandy back rub and it all let go after about 20 minutes and a lot of heat.  It was INTENSE.  Like labor.  Yup, I went there.

But seriously, people.  I gotta get those suckers in line!  I’ll take a break while I heal because it is six hours later and I am still feeling that cramp.  But in a day or so I will beat those suckers into submission.  I think we have a war.  (Who woulda thought I’d be anti-union on my own abs?)