history

I don’t want to be Mrs. Cranky-Pants, but for goodness sake I am acting like her. I’m so ridiculously sensitive these days. I’m like third grade drama or something. Ugh! I hate it when I get moody like this. I especially feel bad for the people who have to spend time with me!
On the upside though, I’m doing a really good job of balancing scale/diet/exercise. Yesterday when I weighed myself I was a pound less than my previous week’s goal. I’m pleased. Traditionally, my ability to shed weight has been severely impacted by my cycles and I rarely lose during this time. I’m glad that I am continuing to show progress.
I’m also glad that my scale experiment was so effective. It was pretty nerve wracking at the beginning of the week, not to have it there. But I definitely found that taking it away allowed me to relax a little bit about things and not get discouraged that I wasn’t seeing instant results. It was funny because I slipped into older habits today of constantly weighing myself and started to get discouraged in no time. Bad idea! Not having my scale made me trust this whole system I have going. I trust the science and math behind it more when I’m not hopping on and off the scale 70 times a day. It made it ok for me to eat all of my calories as long as I was also working out. I confess that my caloric intake has probably been a little on the too-low side (consuming grand totals of around 1000-1200 plus working out leaving me with net totals of around 400-600 at the end of the day). That just creates opportunities for binges, and replaces one kind of food addictive behavior with another, honestly.
When I was a kid I lost about 80 pounds right before my senior year of high school. By the end of my senior year I was a size ten. I felt pretty awesome! By the end of my post-senior year (1992), I had already gained 20-30 pounds back. I ate apples and diet coke the entire time I dieted. It was my secret to success. But as soon as I got off my apples and diet coke diet plan and moved into maintenance, of course I gained it all back. I was starving myself and had no maintenenance plan, no exercise regiment. It took about five years, but by the time I met Bradley I had nearly.gained it all back. If I want a permanent change this time I need to make sure I have a plan for after, and part of that is to build strong habits now that I can live with in the future. My biggest fear is spending months of hard work and determination losing the weight only to see it slip away once I’m done because of my apathy. I’m committing to a lifetime of change, healthy eating habits and exercise.
***
On a lighter note…
This morning I had my dry oats thing again. As I was sitting in the car practically licking my bowl clean (on our way to pick up our kids) I couldn’t stop talking about how much I love this treat. As I was marveling at my weird bowl of dry oats, chocolate chips, yogurt and peanut butter I started realizing this is such a diet food. No one in their right mind would put together this concoction unless they were dieting. I’m sure Bradley thinks he’ll never be tasting that, no matter how much I try to convince him of its deliciousness! 🙂