Winding Down

Today my daughter asked me if I’m looking forward to going back to my old ways after the Whole 30 is over next Sunday.  I paused, reflected and realized the Whole 30 did its job: it redefined me as an eater.  I was out of control, both with bad choices and self control.  I was back to eating pretty much whatever I wanted.  When I saw that 242 on the scale after a month of yo-yo-ing I almost panicked.  If it was this easy to get from 190 to 242 in a little over a year, my trajectory had me right back at 300 by 2019.  There was this moment of defeat, which now I’m calling bottom.  It wasn’t nearly as desperate as last time but it was a very necessary intervention.  Whole 30 pulled me out of that pit and gave me the tools and means to get back on my self again.  What am I looking forward to?  

• Eating a piece of pizza with my family.  Trying VEGAN pizza.
• I’m interested in leaning vegan.  I found alternates that surprised and pleased me.
• I’m excited that food is fuel, again.  Not entertainment.
• Fake.  Meat.  I miss that.  A lot.  
• A variety of protein sources.
• I am looking forward to eating a piece of chocolate every once in a while.
• Control.  I’m back in control and I love it.

I won’t miss:

• Worrying about SWYPO.
• Not being able to cook creatively.
• Eggs and tofu.  Mostly eggs.  🤢 I’m so sick of eggs.

See, moving forward I don’t want to go back to my old ways.  I want to stick with these ways.  I’m finding it pretty accessible and I like the food.   I don’t cheat on this, at all.  ,I feel bright and alive.  I’m not tired and I’m losing weight.  It’s my ridiculously slow pace, but still.  I’m losing weight again.  And honestly?  The first time I lost weight it was all about health and saving my life.  This time I want to be cute again.  I fully agree that I’m cute now, but when the way I feel matches my perception of myself I will feel so cute.  Watch out.